Carry On
by CCT
Summary: (song-fic, shonen-ai hints 1+3, death-fic) A "test" mission helps Trowa to see that he might have not been so alone. (sucky summary. ^^;; r&r, please)


**Title: Carry On**

**Warnings: Shonen ai (hints at 1+3), death**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the song or the GW characters used. ^^ Only the fic idea!**

**CCT: This fic jumps a bit, and some parts can be a bit confusing, but I'm sure you will all understand once you've read it all. ^__~ Oh, and don't you love that song by Kerry Livgren. I think it is so pretty.**

=*=*=

|KEY|

**[song lyrics]**

_thoughts/feelings/flashbacks___

=*=*=

**[Carry on my wayward son,**

**For there'll be peace when you are done]**

**                Trowa walked through the safe house, heading for the front door. He just received word of a mission. It had been assigned to him and him alone. That made Trowa wonder; in the past year Quatre or Duo had been his partner on all his missions. So why was it different now?**

                'Maybe they trust me? I mean it has been a year since my memory has come back.' Trowa thought as he let out a long sigh. 'I know that's the only reason I had partners before.' As Trowa opened the door he was startled to find Heero on the other side. Trowa blinked twice at the expression on Heero's face; it was one of sadness, an expression rarely seen on his face. "Heero?"

                "..." Heero lowered his eyes as he walked past Trowa into the house. 

                'What's his problem?' 

**[Lay your weary head to rest**

**Now don't you cry no more.]**

**                Trowa jumped into Heavyarms cockpit and closed the hatch shortly after. While Trowa was strapping himself in Duo appeared on the screen in front of him. **

                "All set Trowa?" Duo questioned. Trowa only nodded. "Okay pal. You're off. Don't go getting yourself killed, all right?" And with that Duo cut the com link. Trowa, for the second time that day, was confused. 

                'What...What was that all about?' Trowa tried to brush that thought aside as he started his Gundam. But several questions began to pop into his head. 'Why did Duo have to say that...I feel like I've been jinxed or something. And...What was with Heero. I don't think I've ever seen him that upset. But over what?' Trowa didn't have time to ponder the last question because he was all set to go. 

**[Once I rose above the noise and confusion**

**Just to get a glimpse beyond the illusion**

**I was soaring ever higher, but I flew too high]**

**                Heavyarms floated backwards through space. **

                The mobile suits were really putting up a fight this time around. Or maybe it just seemed that way, because Trowa was alone. But that was usually the case. Or that's what Trowa remembered. He remembered fighting alone on Earth, and in space, before he had lost his memory. After that he remembered fighting in team mode. Either with everyone, or just Duo or Quatre. Especially on missions like this one.

                Heavyarms raised it's gattling gun, firing several times. The MS dodged the bullets and advanced further. As it fired again, Heavyarms floated backwards.

**[Though my eyes could see I still was a blind man]**

**                Trowa slammed his fist on top of the control panel. **

                'Dead. Everything's dead!' Trowa screamed in his mind. The censors were down, the control system was also down. Trowa was basically dead in the water, so to speak. 'Dead...not a good choice of words, ne?' Trowa laughed to himself as another missile hit the side of Heavyarms.

**[Though my mind could think I still was a mad man]**

**                Trowa wiped the blood trail from his forehead. The cockpit was starting to look torn up. The control panel had exploded a minute or so ago. The walls were beginning to crumple towards Trowa. And Trowa wasn't in any better shape. When the panel had exploded some of the pieces had cut or stabbed him in the torso and face. Trowa also figured he had a couple of broken ribs. On one of the latest attacks his safety belt had broken, sending him into one of the side panel.**

                Trowa coughed, splattering some blood onto himself, as he laid his head back against the seat. 

                'All alone. What a fitting way for me to die.'

**[I hear the voices when I'm dreamin'.**

**I can hear them say,]**

**                'Why me?' Trowa leaned forward, clenching his side. 'I was sent on this mission for a reason... I'm expendable now. That's it... When I lost my memory everything changed. Wufei put it best, "You are a sitting duck out there." And that's what I am now. A sitting duck... But for what reason... I don't... I don't understand. I thought I was getting better... I have regained *all* of my memories... So why would they do this to me?' **

                Trowa made a strangled cry as another missile hit Heavyarms, this time it was from the left side. Parts of the side panels broke off. One went flying in front of Trowa and the piece sliced into his throat. Trowa gasped for breath as he pulled the shard out. He quickly covered the wound with his hand. But with all of his other injuries he soon lost consciousness from the blood loss. Trowa could almost laugh at the feeling of it. Emptiness, a feeling he knew all too well.

**[Carry on my wayward son,**

**For there'll be peace when you are done**

**Lay your weary head to rest**

**Don't you cry no more]**

**                _*PainSorrowPainLonelinessPainPainPainPain*_**

                "Hey, hey! I think he's waking!"

                "Duo please, you don't have to yell."

                "Right...sorry."

                "Baka."

                "Shut up Heero!"

                "Duo."

                "Right..."

                "Trowa?"

                _*What?...Trowa?...That's not my name...It is...But it's not...*___

                "How are you feeling?"

                "Hey Tro."

                'Quatre? Duo? What's going on?' Trowa tried to move, but was unable. He was too sore to do much more then turn his head. There in three separate chairs were Quatre, Duo and Heero furthest back. Trowa quickly scanned his surroundings. He was in the safe house, his room. "What..." Trowa could barely speak; his voice would only allow the one word before it tightened.

**[Masquerading as a man with a reason.]**

**                "It's all right Trowa." Quatre stood, moving to Trowa's side. "Don't try to move." **

                Duo, stating the obvious said, "You got beat up pretty good, man." Trowa tried to speak again, but it just hurt too much. Trowa slowly brought his hand up to his throat, trying to rub it. It was then he noticed there was a bandage wrapped around his neck and on his hand, and fore arm, for that matter. "You sliced your throat pretty good man." Trowa dropped his hand to the bed, while slowly turning his head to address Duo. The braided pilot was now standing across from Quatre on the other side of the bed. He tried to give Duo a smile, but it failed. 

                "You were lucky though. If Heero hadn't gotten there when he did you would be dead right now." Quatre moved aside showing Heero still in the seat against the wall. Heero didn't even acknowledge his name being spoke, his gaze was set on the window; how the blinds were opened enough to light the room, but not blind it's occupants. 

**[My charade is the event of the season**

**And if I claim to be a wise man, **

**It surely means that I don't know.]**

**                "H-hee..." Trowa's voice was raspy, and he strained to get everything out. "Heero...went...for me?" Quatre nodded. Trowa slowly closed his eyes, moving his head so he was looking up at the ceiling. "Thank...you...Hee..." Trowa couldn't finish his sentence as he fell unconscious once more. **

                "Trowa?" Duo shot forward as Trowa's head lolled to the right, towards Quatre and Heero. Duo slowly lifted Trowa's wrist searching for a pulse. Faint, but it was there. "His pulse is getting worse Quatre."

                "There's nothing more we can do... We should let him rest." Duo nodded and walked around the bed to join Quatre. The two turned towards the door and waited for Heero to stand. But he never did. Heero just kept his eyes fixed on the window. "Come on Duo..." Quatre quickly pulled Duo out of the room before he could ask Heero what was wrong. 

                "I'm sorry...Trowa."

**[On a stormy sea of moving emotion**

**Tossed about I'm like a ship on the ocean.]**

**_*Heero, saved me?... Why?*___**

_                Trowa watched as Heero worked silently on Wing. ___

_                He had always admired Heero. He also had a crush on him. Of course he would never Tell Heero that. What would he think? Probably sock him in the gut for having such un-soldier like emotions. ___

_                *Heero saved me?*___

_                Trowa ignored his feelings as he walked past Heero. The other not even looking up.___

_                *HE saved me?*___

_                'I'm sorry...Trowa'___

_                *What?...Heero?...*___

**[I set a course for winds of fortune, **

**But I hear the voices say.]**

**                Trowa fought the fatigue he was feeling. He had to stay awake. He had so many questions to ask before he could rest. **

                Slowly, ever so slowly, Trowa's eyes opened. He could barely see, a clear liquid blurring his vision.

                "Heero?..." Trowa's call was so soft the Wing pilot almost didn't hear it. 

                "Yes?" Heero stood, walking over to Trowa's side. He quickly noted the vacant look to Trowa's eyes.

                "W..hy?" Heero's head quickly turned to look at the floor. He was planning on pretending he didn't hear it, Trowa's voice was just above a whisper. But suddenly that was thrown away as he felt a cold hand side on top of the hand he had placed on the bed. Heero slowly looked back at Trowa, the vacant look was still there, but now a few tears had formed at the corners. "Why?"

                "I was going to tell you...before you left...That the mission was only a test...But, I couldn't..."

**[Carry on, you will always remember**

**Carry on, nothing equals the splendor.]**

**                "I couldn't tell you. That would have gone against the mission...But...after you left I felt so...I don't even know what I felt. It was something I had never felt before...I was almost scared for you..." Heero paused to watch a lone tear slide down Trowa's cheek. "I'm sorry. I am so sorry, Trowa...I should have stopped you." **

                "Don't be sorry..." Trowa whispered. 'It's not your fault...' Trowa's mind began to say everything he wanted to tell Heero, but couldn't. His voice just wouldn't let him. 'I know it's not your fault Heero. It's my fault. All of it... I was the one who threw myself in front of you, when Quatre was about to kill you. It was my fault that I lost my memory. It was MY fault for taking them mission...not yours. Please, please don't be sorry...' "I'm sorry..." Heero's eyes widened. 

**[Now your life's no longer empty**

**Surely heaven waits for you.]**

**                "...so sorry..." Heero couldn't believe what he was hearing. **

                "Why are you sorry?" Heero waited for an answer and never received one. Trowa's eyes slowly closed. Another tear escaping.

_                *I am so sorry Heero. Sorry I couldn't tell you that...that I love you...I guess I have for a long time...I was just too stupid to realize it up until now...I'm sorry...I can see now that...that...*___

**[Carry on my wayward son,**

**For there'll be peace when you are done.]**

**                Heero watched in horror as Trowa's head slowly fell to the right as his last breath was released. Heero quickly grabbed the hand that had been resting a top of his own. He felt the wrist for a pulse, but couldn't find one. At that moment, and for the first time in his life, Heero panicked. **

                "Quatre!!" 

                _*...you loved me too...We are both fools, ne?...*___

                Quatre came running into the room; Duo close behind. The two stopped at the door way and stared in disbelief. Heero had fallen to his knees and was silently weeping. The tears fell to the ground as Heero's body shook ever now and again. Duo's head slowly turned to look at the bed. He saw Trowa's still form and understood. 

                "I'm sorry Trowa..." Heero began to speak through his sobs. "It's all my fault..."

**[Lay your weary head to rest**

**Now don't you cry no more.]**

**                _*Heero...*_**

===the end===

**CCT: So, what did you guys think? This was one of my first GW fics ever, and I am pretty proud of it actually. ^__^;; Sad, I know, but the song told me to make it that way. (yeah, the song did… ¬_¬;;)**


End file.
